A Small piece of Luck
by 14tongtx1
Summary: Life, he thinks, has a funny way of messing people up. It gives you what you wish for, but does so in a way you'd wish you had never asked. Takizawa Seidou, during his time in Aogiri.


Strapped down in the dark, with nothing to do, he remembers.

He remembers the pit-pattering of rain and the pained gasp and the splintering of bone with bleeding flesh. He remembers the cold fear in his stomach heavy as lead ( _I don_ _'_ _t want to die I don_ _'_ _t want to die)_ when all his comrades fall and he is the one left standing. He remembers brave, foolish, Amon ( _but isn_ _'_ _t he the same)_ with his right arm gone, but still determined to fight until the last breath. ( _Shame that it was all in vain.)_

Most importantly, he remembers the face of his ( _Rival? Superior? Comrade?)_ who he only saw from one side. ( _But it_ _'_ _s too late now, little boy. You_ _'_ _ve always been too late. Look where you_ _'_ _ve ended up now.)_

Life, he thinks, has a funny way of messing people up. It gives you what you wish for, but does so in a way you'd wish you had never asked. Maybe, the world is just one sick joke. A joke, where everyone's a puppet, dancing to the tune of an unseen master.

 ** _This world is wrong._**

The door opens, and the albino ghoul with the red iron mask steps inside, followed by a middle-aged man with a lab cloak (a doctor, perhaps?) Murmurs of words such as "success" and "experiment" float around, but Takizawa doesn't notice—what is far more pressing is the sudden hunger that claws at his belly—not the usual kind that makes your stomach growl, but the kind which almost borders on to physical pain. Dimly, he remembers hearing something about this in the past.

 _But it can_ _'_ _t be true. It just can_ _'_ _t. Can it?_

Smiling far too serenely, the Doctor takes out a small handheld mirror and holds it towards his face. And what Takizawa sees, utterly shocks him.

No, the fact that he looks malnourished with bones jutting out near the skin doesn't faze him at all. Nor does the fact that his left arm suddenly managed to regenerate itself surprise him either. But what does horrify him, what he focuses on the most, is that damned, demonic left eye ( _with the black sclera, red irises and tainted veins_ _—_ _the whole package),_ the markings of a monster.

 _But it can_ _'_ _t be true. It just can_ _'_ _t. Can it?_

Loud, roaring, mad laughter ( _or are they sobs)_ echoes through the cell that day.

 ** _This world is wrong._**

* * *

In the dark, wretched cell he now calls home, time is irrelevant. ( _Has it been days? Weeks? Months? Years? Who knows?)_

Sometimes, he thinks about Amon. _Is he in the same situation as me? Is he even still alive at this point? What about Houji-san and the rest of CCG? What about my family? All of my precious people, I wish I could see you again_ _…_

On other days (or nights) he pleads for somebody to save him. (But of course no one came. _Who would want to help poor, expendable Seidou?)_

The experiments ( _torture)_ no longer hurts. He's been stabbed, prodded, sliced, and burnt for far too many times. The ghoul with the iron mask (Tatara, he believes) seems to realise this too.

However, the only thing that remains a constant in this new hell is the gnawing hunger in his stomach. _I_ _'_ _m hungry I_ _'_ _m so hungry I_ _'_ _m so hungry feed me I_ _'_ _ll do anything_ _—_

His wish is granted, when Tatara brings in two new prisoners in front of him.

 ** _Mom and dad._**

 _He_ _'_ _s not supposed to be doing this he_ _'_ _s supposed to be the dutiful son he_ _'_ _s supposed to protect them but this hunger and the smell it smells so good he_ _'_ _s been without food for so long now and finally he has something to_ ** _eat_** _eateateateateat_ _…_

Flashes of red. Cries of pain.

Then silence.

 _Crunch Crunch. Gobble Gobble. Munch Munch._

 _(This part, what is it? It tastes so sweet! It_ _'_ _s like soft jelly_ _…_ _)_

His hunger sated (for now) the bloodlust clears. He opens his eyes and—

 _Sees his hands stained with blood (a murderer)._

 _What have I done?_

 _Mommy, daddy, I_ _'_ _m sorry! I can_ _'_ _t help it! I couldn_ _'_ _t help it!_

The tears fall.

( _But it_ _'_ _s too late now, little boy. You_ _'_ _ve always been too late. And now, you can_ _'_ _t take anything back.)_

 ** _This world is wrong._**

* * *

Life afterwards, quickly becomes a blur. Although the hunger is still there ( _as it will be, for always_ ) it's dulled, tamed, ever since his…agreement with Eto (that bastard). Whenever he does a good job 'cleaning up,' she feeds him. In turn, he follows her every command. It's a good deal, (if dealing with a demon can ever be called 'good') because at the very least, he's **_special_** now. He's _**strong** _ now. Not like when he was still _**weak, pathetic**_ , Takizawa Seidou.

 _They have already taken away my family, my humanity, and finally, even my sanity. What more can I lose staying with Aogiri?_

 _However, in the dark, niggling corners of his shattered mind, the_ ** _envy_** _and the_ ** _insecurity_** _whispers poisons into his ear. Especially regarding the_ _other_ _half-ghoul, Sasaki Haise (Kaneki Ken); the Doctor_ _'_ _s masterpiece._

 _Shouldn_ _'_ _t it be him?_

Chewing his fingers absentmindedly (another small change) he is jolted out of his reverie when Eto turns around.

" _So, can you do it, Takizawa?_ _"_

 **" _Hurry up. I_ _'_ _m starving!_ _"_**

* * *

He supposes he underestimated Yotsume's unwavering loyalty to her 'onii-chan,' even to the point of disobeying orders. His nose crinkles in disgust. For what point is there in protecting a broken shell of a man who will never recognise her nor thank her?

 _No good deed goes unpunished. But Haise (Kaneki) must be a lucky, lucky man, if only because so many people wish to protect him._

 _But what about him? What has CCG (or anyone, really?) done to save him?_

Not surprisingly, the CCG's Shinigami comes. Drawn to the sound of his protege screaming, perhaps. What's even more surprising though, is the appearance of Takizawa's ( _Rival? Superior? Comrade?)_

 _Between the first and the second is a huge gap. Being Second is just a consolation for the loser. Yes, a consolation for them not to think that, as long as there's someone above them...they're nothing but a loser. The gap between a perfect 100 mark and a 99 is not just one point_ _…_

 **" _Hihi_ _…_ _It_ _'_ _s Mado!_ _"_**

 _I wonder, what will she think of me now?_

Through the distractions and the shock, he manages to jump through a window and flee.

 _You_ _'_ _ve always been a coward._

 ** _This world is wrong._**

* * *

 _Life, he thinks, has a funny way of messing people up. It gives you what you wish for, but does so in a way you_ _'_ _d wish you had never asked. Maybe, the world is just one sick game. But, instead of betting money, you bet on your life._

 _Because if you don_ _'_ _t play, you don't_ _win._

 _And only the strongest survive._

 ** _This world is wrong._**

* * *

My first full on fanfic, so I hoped that you enjoyed it! Also if you don't mind, please leave a review! I would love to hear your thoughts (and any tips on how I might improve!) so thanks!


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